The 52: Nuovo Olimpo

   From June 2023 to June 2024 I'll be watching a lgbtqia+ film each week and coming back here with my thoughts, feelings and plenty of hopes we aren't met with the "kill your gays" trope. I call this The 52.

The best part about this film? Spending over half an hour explaining in excruciating detail every bizarre twist and turn to someone who hasn’t seen it. Pure joy.

Image source: Wikipedia

Nuovo Olimpo is… alright? It’s… I wouldn’t say it’s the strangest film I’ve ever seen, but it’s certainly in the top ten for most bizarre. So let me, for a minute or two, guide you through the roller coaster that is this film! I'm sorry, I can't not keep talking about it, it's addictive storytelling.

We meet two men in a crowded street. They make eye contact. It’s awkward and maybe flirtatious? SMASH CUT. We’re at the cinema. But it’s actually a cruising ground for gay men. One of the guys from the street is there. Then he sees the OTHER GUY (I can’t remember their names, I spent nearly two hours with these men and that was two hours too much, don’t ask me to remember more than I do) and is entranced. Laddie #2 (or “The Doctor” as we will now call him) is hit on by another man. Laddie #1 (“The Director”) is unhappy. They flirt! Doctor is keen but also uncomfortable! They promise to meet up tomorrow.

They meet up tomorrow. SMASH CUT. We’re in a house. They’re making out. They’re naked. They’re… eating jam off each other’s fingers? Really, really intensely. SMASH CUT. There are riots outside the cinema! Director and Doctor promise to meet at the house. They’ve known each other for about a day at this stage. Doctor gets hit by a car. Director waits at house.

SMASH CUT YEARS PASS.

Doctor is married! And also a doctor! Director is famous for making a porno about his relationship with Doctor, but no one acknowledges it's a porno and instead laud it as a critically acclaimed hit! Doctor watches the film with his lady! We have to see the already really bad jam scene AGAIN, this time played out by actors. Apparently people love this film and men take their girlfriends to see it. It truly is just a porno, but apparently one with critical acclaim. Director is sad. Does he see doctor on a passing train?! Oh well. He meets someone new. SMASH CUT MORE YEARS PASS.

Glass goes into eyes, Doctor is a (married) Doctor, Director is in a committed relationship, chain of events, missed connections, both still mooning after the man they spent LESS THAN TEN HOURS TOTAL WITH THIRTY YEARS AGO. THE JAM WASN'T THAT GOOD MY GUYS.

It’s a wild ride and I won’t spoil the ending, mostly because I don’t want to keep remembering this film. I’m being forced to, but I’m not going to encourage it any more than I can. It’s not great, honestly. I’ll give them a thumbs up for committing to using the same two leading actors and just changing their makeup, but a thumbs down for making the younger and older versions of them look so corny and overdone. And like sixty thumbs down for making me watch that jam scene twice. Don’t jam your jammy fingers down someone’s throat and then make actors do it!

Finally, I am a romantic. So if you meet the love of your life, spend ten hours with them and then lose them? Don’t get MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU’RE STILL GOING TO THINK ABOUT THEM EVERY BLOODY DAY AND NEVER BE TRULY HAPPY WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

Thank you.

Like things shorter? Follow me on Letterboxd and see my review.