The 52: Ma Belle, My Beauty

 From June 2023 to June 2024 I'll be watching a lgbtqia+ film each week and coming back here with my thoughts, feelings and plenty of hopes we aren't met with the "kill your gays" trope. I call this The 52.


What a film. But not… not in a good way. In a “I don’t think this any kind of healthy representation or realistionship and I’d like to leave this place now please” kind of way. And I also can't remember any of these peoples names.


Image credit via: IMDB



I was pretty excited - and fairly hesitant, because I knew how badly it could be done - for the first polyamorous film from my list. I don’t know I’ve ever actually heard of/seen a film with poly representation and I knew almost nothing about this film besides it was LGBTQIA+ before I clicked play. I have a nasty habit of getting to sunday and realising I haven’t watched my weekly film yet and with about 8 hours before the day was done I went for the first one in my bookmarks menu.


I’m glad it’s out of the way? I suppose? Because that means I can stop thinking about it as soon as I finish writing this review.

So that's positive.


Firstly, the polyamorous representation was there, certainly, but… weird. It was maybe the most typical representation, two women and a man, but it makes out that this is the story of an ex returning to the couple she used to have a relationship with, the guy in the film even says “our ex” at times, but he NEVER DATED HER. Yes, you read that right. He. Never. Dated. Her. His wife did, and he calls the ex to come over to France and try and ~sex his wife back to singing so his career doesn’t plummet~ but the “we’re all poly” intimation isn’t accurate.


Also, everyone just seems to hate each other.


Bertie and Fred (I had to look up their names), who are married, aren’t keen on each other and there’s zero chemistry. Fred invites Bertie's estranged ex (Lane) from America to France, purely because he thinks Bertie will sing again if she gets back together with Lane. Bertie seems to purely despise her husband, and when she and Lane DO meet (this after 1. Fred arranges for her “surprise visit”,  2. he drops Lane off at his and Bertie's house before LEAVING WITHOUT TELLING HIS WIFE WHAT'S HAPPENING because he’s got a show to perform and he’s a flaky git, and 3. comes back hours later all “what a good surprise, am I right?” No wonder Bertie looks like she’d rather sock him than share a civil conversation) it's very much a "oh great, my life just got even worse, I'm going to go and sit in my leaking pool". No one is having fun, no one is happy, and I don't want to be here.


I think the leaking pool is probably symbolism.


But maybe it's not.


Moving on, Lane and Bertie's relationship... well, when you learn the reason behind the clear tension there I'm with Bertie, I wouldn’t trust Lane as far as I could watch her run (she runs a lot, both out of relationships and across vineyards); they both seem, particularly Bertie, like they’d be content to bury the other in a ditch and then set fire to it.


Fred would probably watch and call himself a participant.


Also, being polyamorous doesn’t mean free relationships with no consequences and no talking things through with other partners. We've got cheating here, teeeeerrrrrible communication, and zero knowledge of what these people use as guidelines and rules. Someone says “I could never be poly, my girlfriend would never” and immediately she’s having sex with Lane. But don’t fear, Lane doesn’t ~care about this new person~ She’s only sleeping with her, loudly, a few rooms over, in Bertie's house, because that’s how she makes Bertie want her.


Unfortunately… Hmm. Well, spoilers abound, but I’m so mystified by what this film was doing that we’re ploughing through: Bertie and Lane have a huge fight! Bertie says some pretty ruddy justified things to Lane about trust, betrayal, shitty behaviour, and how she doesn’t care what Lane does because she has no bearing on her life. It’s actually the best part of the film, 10/10 would recommend this scene because it is so justified and raw and good. You’re rooting for Bertie to let out her rage and her loss and her emotions, to watch Lane scuttle for the door and to know whatever happens, Bertie will be better for her being gone for good.


And then they have sex.


And thennnnnnn Lane does a runner (literally; she runs a lot, like I said) and Fred is kinda proved right. He wants Bertie to sing and, with Lane back in her life, however superficially… she does.

And I hate him even more for that.


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