Queermas: a review of LGBTIQA+ Christmas films

 This year I really wanted to watch as many Queer-centric Christmas films as possible, a feat which I dubbed Queermas and had an amazing - and enlightening - time with. Of course I didn’t watch every film there was, nor did I love all of them, and there are by no means a enough films where an LGBTIQA+ character is the main character. But here I present my thoughts on 5 different films, some of which I definitely have plans to rewatch every year.

If you have any recommendations of LGBTIQA+ centirc christmas films, please leave them in the comments below. And I will not be explaining the christmas pig, which I think is explaination enough.

Single All the Way

I have a love-hate relationship with films (not books, I love it when it’s in books) that wrangle their titles into the story, but here it is ALL love. I mean, Jennifer Coolidge was on stage, it was part of a song… I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

Single All the Way brought me far more joy than I ever anticipated. After the first 10 minutes and questioning whether I was actually going to finish the first in my Queermas weekend, things took off and I was GASPING ALOUD as the first heartbreak made itself apparent.

The film played into stereotypes  (yes, I do have a lot of house plants and yes, it was related to the character’s arc, but still), yet was also relatively self aware - perhaps the most iconic scene in the whole film sees Jennifer Coolidge address the fact that the gays love her. It was legendary, just like her.

Single All the Way was fun. It wasn’t brilliant, maybe it wasn’t realistic, but it was cute. It was sweet. It was predictable and it was so ruddy wonderful to be watching a film about the romantic life of a queer man. Also, MEGA bonus points for the fact Peter’s family was entirely lovely, supportive, accepting, kind (maybe over the top but just so dang caring) to both him and his best friend. Minus points for leaving your puppy in puppy daycare for Christmas at the last minute. That puppy knew you planned to spend Christmas together. They KNOW and so do I.

Happiest Season

TW: homophobia, internalised homophobia, bullying, toxic family, manipulation

This… it was a Christmas film. But my goodness it was not merry 95% of the time. Happiest Season was similar to Single All the Way in many ways, but the most notable ways in which they were different: the family was an unholy nightmare and I didn’t want the couple to be together.

I really loved Kristen Stewart in this film and Dan Levy as her best friend was the pinnacle of perfection (other than the pet sitting accident), but the plot itself didn’t lend to Christmas cheer. Do all Christmas films need to be happy? No! But there is a lack of Queer Christmas films and I would have loved for there to be more… more joy in this one.

And when I say I didn’t want the couple to be together? I. Really. Didn’t. Want. It.

Abigail and Harper are our duo and in the first 10 minutes: Harper invites Abi to Christmas with her family; Harper tries to make Abi change her mind about said christmas vacation because she regrets asking her but won’t, you know, say “I regret this, please don’t come” and instead tries to make her think it was a bad idea to agree; admits she lied for 6+ months about being out to her family and telling them about their relationship (in the car, ON THE WAY TO SAID FAMILY FOR A 5 DAY HOLIDAY); and then… then we meet the family, who treat (with one exception) Abi so poorly I was almost speechless.

Harper doesn’t stand up for her girlfriend once, asks Abi to lie about her sexuality, we find out she was unspeakably awful to the girl she once secretly dated, she abandons Abi’s to spend time with her ex and gets annoyed when Abi befriends Riley, the girl she once threw to the wolves (not really, but also very much yes really), and she never once endeared herself to me. Abi, though? Abi I love.

Also, we get a very cute gay bar scene with festive drag and sing alongs and YES. THANK YOU. YES.

I’m really glad I didn’t watch this one first in my Queemas film weekend. I’m really glad. I also want Kristen Stewart in all the Christmas films. She has amazing style, I’m going to copy her hair looks, and I love her.

The Christmas Setup

Are you ready for serotonin this Christmas? Look no further than this delightful, joyous film. Not only does Fran from The Nanny, a queer icon, present herself as the supportive, Christmas loving and ever scheming mother of our main character, but within, what, the first ten minutes? We’d already had about 3 meet-cutes and I was beaming at every single one of them.

This film is merry, it is bright, it follows romance and friendship, we get a christmas singalong with a christmas drag queen on piano, discover a long lost queer secret and we also follow main character Hugo’s rediscovered passion for woodwork.

Of course there’s conflict in store for our potential couple (ahem, power couple), but every time they meet the chemistry is so ruddy powerful. They get stuck on a roof, they have the cutest picnic, they can’t keep away from each other and it felt so genuine and… it was bliss. It was so, so, so wonderfully sweet. I think I’ve got to rewatch this one each and every year.

And I’m well aware THIS, the review for the film I’ve thus far enjoyed the most, is the shortest of the lot! But I can only say “adorable” and “ruddy cute” and “bliss” so many times. But… I’ll say them one more time. This is ruddy adorable, cute bliss.

A New York Christmas Wedding

TW: implied su*cide, mis*arriage, homophobia, car accident

This… this was maybe the strangest Christmas film… alright not the strangest, but definitely ONE OF the strangest I’ve ever seen. The premise is reasonably familiar: you get the chance to live your life as it would have been, if you’d made different choices. The actualisation? Utterly, utterly bizarre.

First of all, we meet Azrael, the most wonderfully gay guardian angel you can imagine, but who also struggles with saying anything and not ending it in “girl,” which felt overdone real quick. But he’s in a cool white fit, he’s sassy, he  all in white, he’s sassy, I love it. Next time we see him he’s all in black, including leather jacket and fluffy white dog, which isn’t explained at all… and then it continues. White fit, black fit. Never seen again: the dog. It’s odd, but not as odd as the revelation he produces at the end of the film.

So we head back in time, into a life where Jenny’s best friend and first love, Gabby, didn’t die (and neither did her dad, but that’s not explained), and instead of being engaged to a man in the city, Jenny is engaged to Gabby. Gabby is at first very difficult to like, as she just shouts at Jenny and bosses her about, but (eventually) the two open up and while I don’t love their dynamic, I did enjoy seeing how happy they made each other. Also they have a very cute dog called Smudge.

Then… then things get weird again with the return of Azrael who makes a very strange confession (Spoiler: Azrael is Gabby’s son who died in a miscarriage. There are a bunch of implications with this and Gabby’s implied suicide as a teenager, but I won’t get into that- suffice to say I wasn’t impressed with the line of thought).

We also get a priest who refuses to marry same sex couples, and then the supportive (I think) potential outing of said same sex characters/couples to their whole church.

I can’t say I enjoyed this one. The dialogue between characters often felt overdone and I think my favourite thing was the relationship between Jenny and her father, who was very sweet and loving of his daughter. I also often found the filming style a little jarring.

8 Femmes

TW: homophobia (including reference to “treatment” as a cure), internalised homophobia, manipulation, bullying, su*cide, threatening su*cicde, slut-shaming, incest but actually not but…

I discovered 8 Femmes one New Years eve a few years ago and instantly fell in love. This film is truly something else and I was really surprised, when looking up films to watch for Queermas, to never see it on any lists! The festivity is faint, but it is most certainly there. We have snow, we have a family gathering for the holiday, there’s even a tree visible, decorated and everything, in one scene!

Also: it’s a musical.

A musical. Murder. Mystery.

A wonderfully strange film, 8 Femmes still surprises me even now. The costume design is gorgeous, truly magic to behold, the set design is similarly so wonderful (the film is almost entirely set in one house, and mostly in a single room, and yet there are always more details to pick out and appreciate). The characters are fascinating - and, again, immaculately dressed - their sudden tendency to break into song and choreographed dance utterly charming, and this is definitely a film I notice and really appreciate the cinematography of. Shots are constructed and lit so beautifully, especially when it comes to the musical sequences, and it is just such a joy to behold this; it’s also really wonderful to realise we only ever see women for the whole film. Even when the single male character is shown, we never see his face. It isn’t his story; it’s completely theirs.

A fairly high-spirited romp, especially for a murder-mystery, there are still tones of darkness as the 8 women gather to solve the murder that has taken place. 

Unfortunately we don’t exactly get a cute couple in this, but the sexual tension is fiery from the get go, and for more than one character.